I have developed an unofficial for all retired men tired of the rubbish trying to disguise itself as “progress”
WMCCGOM
“White Male Christian Conservative Grumpy Old Man”
An unofficial definition for a man of advancing years who has seen enough of life to know that common sense is not nearly as common as it should be.
Noun. Australian informal. Circa 2026.
A man of advancing years, shaped by Christian conviction, conservative values and a lifetime of dealing with human nature, bureaucratic inefficiency and the occasional spectacular demonstration of institutional stupidity.
He possesses a healthy scepticism towards fashionable thinking, an increasingly limited tolerance for administrative nonsense and an unwavering belief that common sense should not require a committee’s approval.
He has lived long enough to recognise that not everything new is progress, not everything old is outdated, and not everyone with an impressive title knows what they are talking about.
The Five Defining Characteristics
1. White
A description of his ancestry, not a declaration of superiority, entitlement or grievance.
He neither apologises for his heritage nor believes it makes him more important than anyone else.
He judges people by their character, conduct and integrity rather than the colour of their skin.
2. Male
Unashamedly a man, comfortable with his masculinity and convinced that being a good husband, father, grandfather and contributing member of society remains a worthwhile ambition.
He believes masculinity is best demonstrated through responsibility, courage, self-discipline, faithfulness and a willingness to protect and care for others.
He has little patience for the suggestion that these qualities have somehow become unfashionable.
He also recognises that being male does not automatically make him right, particularly when his wife has already explained why he is wrong.
3. Christian
Above everything else, he is a committed follower of Jesus Christ.
After decades of observing humanity’s remarkable ability to make a mess of things, he remains convinced that the world’s greatest need is not another political ideology, government program, committee or fashionable social movement.
The world needs Jesus Christ.
His faith is not merely a collection of traditional moral values or a cultural identity. It is a personal conviction that Jesus Christ is Lord, that the Bible provides enduring truth, and that salvation, forgiveness and genuine transformation are found through Him.
He believes biblical truth does not become outdated simply because society changes its opinions.
He also understands that Christians are not immune from foolishness, pride, hypocrisy or spectacular mistakes. Indeed, that is precisely why humanity needs a Saviour.
He does not believe that being Christian gives him permission to be arrogant, unkind or dismissive of others.
Rather, his faith calls him to combine truth with grace, conviction with humility, and courage with compassion.
His guiding conviction is simple:
“In a world gone crazy, Jesus is the answer.”
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”
Hebrews 13:8 (NKJV)
And while he may be increasingly grumpy about the direction of the world, his ultimate hope is not in governments, political leaders or human institutions.
His hope is in Christ.
4. Conservative
He believes that some principles have survived generations because they are worth preserving.
Faith, family, personal responsibility, freedom, integrity, respect for others and the importance of strong communities are not outdated concepts.
He is not opposed to change. He is opposed to change that makes things worse while being enthusiastically promoted as progress.
He prefers evidence over slogans, reasoned debate over ideological conformity, and practical outcomes over fashionable declarations of good intentions.
He believes that disagreement is not hatred, questioning is not ignorance, and holding a traditional opinion does not automatically make someone a threat to society.
He has no difficulty acknowledging that conservatives can get things wrong too.
His guiding principle: Change should represent an improvement, not simply a departure from the past.
5. Grumpy Old Man
Age has provided him with something that cannot be downloaded, programmed or manufactured: experience.
He has seen good ideas ruined by committees, simple problems complicated by bureaucrats, and organisations spending enormous amounts of money solving problems they created themselves.
He has developed a finely tuned (BS) nonsense detector.
He asks inconvenient questions, demands explanations, challenges assumptions and refuses to accept that something is sensible merely because an expert, government department or artificial intelligence system says it is.
His grumpiness is not necessarily an indication of unhappiness.
Indeed, he thoroughly enjoys life, appreciates a good laugh and finds considerable amusement in the absurdities of modern society.
He simply has less time than he once did for unnecessary nonsense.
And having spent a lifetime dealing with mindless human bureaucracy, he has absolutely no intention of tolerating its artificial intelligence equivalent.
Recognisable Symptoms
- An instinctive suspicion of any document beginning with “In order to streamline the process”.
- A tendency to ask “Why?” when everyone else is nodding politely.
- A reluctance to accept fashionable opinions without supporting evidence.
- A belief that personal responsibility has not yet been repealed.
- A conviction that the best leadership is demonstrated through service, not status.
- An ability to laugh at himself, even while pointing out the foolishness of others.
- A refusal to complete a four-step administrative procedure to rename something a supposedly intelligent computer should have named correctly in the first place.
Known Treatment
There is no known cure, and none is being sought.
Symptoms may temporarily subside following competent administration, sensible decisions, thoughtful conversation, time with family, a decent cup of coffee or a particularly good sermon.
Exposure to unnecessary bureaucracy may cause an immediate relapse.
Prognosis
Unlikely to improve with age.
May become increasingly outspoken, particularly when confronted with institutional foolishness masquerading as progress.
However, beneath the grumpy exterior is a man who values faith, loves his family, treasures his freedom, believes in serving others and has not abandoned hope for the future.
He recognises that his own opinions are fallible, his understanding is incomplete and he remains a work in progress.
He may argue strongly, question relentlessly and occasionally complain loudly.
But he has no desire to lose his sense of humour, his compassion for others or his willingness to admit when he is wrong.
After all, there is a profound difference between being grumpy about the world’s foolishness and becoming bitter towards the people who live in it.
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Final Declaration
I am a White Male Christian Conservative Grumpy Old Man.
I make no apology for my age, my heritage, my masculinity, my faith or my conservative convictions.
I have lived long enough to know that governments fail, institutions disappoint, fashions change, experts disagree and human beings are capable of extraordinary wisdom and remarkable stupidity.
I believe in personal responsibility, freedom, family, integrity, common sense and treating people with dignity and respect.
I will question what deserves questioning, challenge what deserves challenging and laugh at the absurdities of life whenever possible.
I do not claim to have all the answers.
But I know the One who does.
And in a world that often seems to have lost its way, my conviction remains unchanged:
Jesus is the answer.
Still conservative. Still questioning. Still occasionally grumpy. Still learning. Still laughing.
And, above all, still following Jesus.