Some thoughts for Dads on Father’s Day
Father’s Day is usually a day when we tell dads how much we appreciate them, and that is a good thing. But I also think it is a useful day for fathers to ask ourselves a more challenging question:
What has God actually called us to be?
There is plenty of discussion these days about masculinity, patriarchy, toxic behaviour and changing family roles. Some of that criticism is justified. Men can be selfish, domineering, angry, absent or irresponsible, and Christians should not pretend otherwise.
But I am not convinced the answer is to make fatherhood less important. I think the answer is that we need better fathers.
Biblically, a father is not meant to be a dictator, but neither is he meant to be a spectator standing on the sidelines while everyone else raises his children. He is called to take responsibility, and in a Christian sense that responsibility begins with love.
1. Love Your Children — And Tell Them
This sounds obvious, but I am not sure it always is.
A father may work hard for his family, pay the bills, repair things around the house, drive children everywhere and quietly sacrifice for years, yet still rarely say, “I love you” or “I’m proud of you.” Some men simply did not grow up hearing those words themselves.
At the baptism of Jesus, the Father says:
“This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
— Matthew 3:17
There is something powerful in that. Love was spoken and approval was spoken.
Our children should not have to work out from indirect evidence whether their father loves them. We should tell them, and we should not assume that because they are adults they no longer need to hear it.
A father’s words can stay with a child for a lifetime. Unfortunately, so can his silence.
2. Be Present
This one matters deeply to me because of my own experience.
My father died when he was only 57. I was 21 and had just married. His death affected me profoundly, and as the years went on I realised that one of the things I missed most was simply having him there, especially the wisdom that comes from a father who knows you well.
There were many times when I would have liked to sit down with him and ask, “Dad, what do you think?” I never had that opportunity.
That experience has shaped the way I think about my own children. They are adults now and have children of their own. I do not want to run their lives, and I do not think adult children need a father constantly telling them what to do. But I do want to be there for them.
I want to be available, interested, ready to listen and, when they want it, able to offer some fatherly wisdom.
Fatherhood does not end when your children turn eighteen. It changes. When they are young, they need direction. As adults, they often need something different: someone who knows them, loves them and is still there when life becomes difficult.
Sometimes one of the most important things a father can communicate is simply, “I’m here if you need me.”
3. Protect and Provide
The Bible is quite straightforward about a man taking responsibility for his family. That certainly includes financial provision, but I think we make a mistake if we reduce provision to money.
A father also provides stability, encouragement, advice and a sense of security. He helps create a home where his family knows they are not facing life alone.
He also has a responsibility to protect.
That word can make some people uncomfortable because they immediately imagine an overbearing father trying to control everyone around him. That is not what I mean. Protection is not control. It is caring enough to recognise danger, set boundaries and sometimes make an unpopular decision because you believe it is necessary.
Children do need boundaries, and they need adults who are willing to say no when no is the loving answer.
At the same time, a father’s strength should never make his family afraid of him. His strength should make them feel safer because he is there.
That distinction matters.
4. Teach More by Example Than by Words
Christian fathers are called to teach their children about God. Deuteronomy 6 makes that clear.
But I think we sometimes assume that teaching means sitting children down and giving them a Bible lesson. There is a place for that, but children are also learning from us every day, often when we do not realise it.
They notice how Dad talks to Mum. They notice what happens when he gets angry. They notice whether he tells the truth, whether he forgives, whether he treats people with respect and whether Christianity seems to matter on Monday morning as much as it did at church on Sunday.
That can be uncomfortable because none of us gets it right all the time.
Perhaps that is part of the lesson as well.
Our children do not need to see a perfect father. They do need to see a genuine one. That includes seeing a father who can say, “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
I have never believed that apologising to your children weakens your authority. If anything, it teaches them that strength and humility belong together.
A father’s life may be the most important sermon his children ever hear.
5. Point Them Towards Jesus
In the end, this is the most important responsibility of a Christian father.
We cannot make our children Christians. Most parents eventually discover that.
When children are young, we can take them to church, teach them Scripture and establish the values of the home. But eventually they grow up and make their own choices.
That can be one of the hardest parts of parenting.
We cannot control every decision they make. We cannot protect them from every mistake. We cannot believe on their behalf.
But we can continue to point them towards Jesus.
We can pray for them, answer their questions, encourage them, model repentance and demonstrate grace when relationships become difficult. Most importantly, we can try to live in such a way that our children do not look at our lives and conclude that Christianity is simply something Dad talked about.
Faith has to be seen as well as heard.
When Fathers Are Absent
We also need to acknowledge the other side of this. Fathers are not always present.
Sometimes that is through death, as it was in my own life. Sometimes it is through separation or circumstances that cannot easily be changed. And sometimes, sadly, it is because a man simply walks away from his responsibility.
I want to be careful here because many single mothers have carried enormous loads and done remarkable jobs raising children. This is not a criticism of them.
But we should not pretend that fathers do not matter simply because many families have had to survive without one.
They do matter.
A man does not stop being a father because his relationship with the child’s mother ends, and simply paying money does not exhaust his responsibility. Children need more than financial support. They need interest, time, encouragement, guidance and presence.
When people talk about unhealthy masculinity, I think this is one area where we sometimes miss something important. A man who dominates his family is failing, but so is a man who abandons it. A man who frightens his children is not displaying strength, but neither is a man who refuses responsibility.
Biblical masculinity calls us away from both extremes.
It calls men to stay, to take responsibility, to keep their word, to protect those who depend on them, to love sacrificially and to remain present when it costs them something.
That is not toxic masculinity. It is mature masculinity.
Fathers Will Get It Wrong
There are no perfect fathers, and I certainly do not claim to have been one.
Every father can look back and find things he would do differently: times when we worked too much, were impatient, failed to listen properly or thought we knew what our children needed when, looking back, we really did not.
Christianity leaves room for that reality because Christianity is built around repentance and grace.
We cannot change what we did twenty years ago, but we can do something about today. We can make the phone call, apologise, listen, rebuild trust and decide that however many years remain, we are going to be more present than we were before.
That matters.
So What Does Successful Fatherhood Look Like?
Probably not what the world usually celebrates.
Most fathers will never be famous. Most of us will never have our names remembered outside our families, and we will not leave monuments behind.
But there is another kind of legacy.
If one day our children and grandchildren can say, “Dad loved us. Dad was there. Dad admitted it when he got things wrong. Dad lived what he said he believed, and Dad helped point us towards Jesus,” then I think we have done something that matters.
Something that lasts.
Perhaps that is a good question for every father this Father’s Day.
Not simply, “Did my family remember me?”
But rather:
“What kind of father am I becoming?”