Real Men Challenge

Thumbs Up or Thumbs Down

It is a great thing to be able to say I have seven Grand Children, 5 girls and 2 boys. They bring great pleasure and fun and tiredness when on “Grand Pa” duties!

Recently, I had three of my Grand Children up for the school holidays and they brought with them their own unique personalities and challenges and we gave them back to their parents after 4 days, sad to see them go but also appreciative of the challenges that parents have today raising their children. No other generation has ever had to face the challenges that the current group of parents have to face. Let me list a couple:

The Internet
If ever there was an invention of man that has the potential for great good and great harm, it is the internet. Through it we have access to the vast array of human knowledge about science, literature, history, music, movies … the list is almost endless. But when we think of our children and the potential risks to them … it is a scary place:

• Online Bullying
• Online grooming by pedophiles
• Access to Pornography
• Access to Online Gambling
• Access to Violent videos

These are the obvious risks and there are probably more.

Celebrities
Then there is the risk around values and social influences the various celebrities in the world have on our children:

• Singers and musicians
• Movie and TV stars
• Sports stars

The influence of their lives and words and beliefs and values can often far outweigh those of home and family and parents.

The worst risk out of all of these is that parents are often unaware of what their children are viewing or reading online.

Then we have everyday risk that parents have faced in every generation, their peers.
In the 21st Century, the influence of our children’s peers is deeply influenced by … the internet … celebrities.

But rather than ring our hands at the problems, there is the opportunity for positive influence from within the family, Grand Parents. Now I know for some families (like when I was raising kids) they may not be alive or due to their behaviour and attitudes are just as bad an influence as what the kids are exposed to from the internet, celebrities and their peers. But for a large percentage of families, the Grand Parents offer that “generational influence” that parents often aren’t able to achieve.

So back to my story. When our three grandkids were up for their school holiday adventure they soon collided with Grand Pa’s rules. Which was simplified into “Thumbs Up” or “Thumbs Down” behaviour. When they misbehaved, spoke badly and displayed the wrong attitude, they were challenged with the question: “What do we call that behaviour?” and they self assess themselves and given themselves the “Thumbs Down” on something they have done wrong. When they do something good, Grand Pa is quick to give them the “Thumbs Up”.

Having a well founded set of values in which right and wrong is clear provides a solid foundation for children to grow up as well balanced individuals. My personal Values is based on the Christian model and is worth repeating here:

• I am made by God in His image.
• I am called to Love God with all my heart and soul and mind and strength
• I am called to “Love my neighbour as myself”
• I am called to live a life of Good Works
• I am called to work hard to provide for myself and my family
• God sets the standard for human conduct (which I won’t list in full but can be summarised as):
  • Right attitudes
  • Right actions
  • Right words
• Our lives need to reflect the “Fruit of the Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-23)
  • love
  • joy
  • peace
  • forbearance
  • kindness- goodness
    – faithfulness
    – gentleness
    – self-control
    It’s a pretty good list in both the Christian and secular sense and worthy to be aspired to. Of course the challenge is that we often don’t live up to this standard.

So here is the challenge, just like for my grandkids, is your daily life reflecting the good fruit in this list? Can you give yourself a “Thumbs Up” for your attitude and behaviour?
What will your partner, children, work place give you?

The greatest takeaway message for anyone reading this is your ability to self reflect and answer these questions honestly. And if you are having problems living up to these standards, get help.

A good place for help might be 1800Respect.

Challenge 7 – Being a Role Model

Absent Fathers

On the last Fathers Day I started to think of my own father.  On the day after Christmas in 1977, my father died suddenly at the young age of 57.  I was just 21, newly married and still finding my way in life. He had been a good man, a good father, a good example to me as a grew up but he was suddenly gone. And with his sudden death, I was left without any male mentor. My then wife had lost her father when she was 9 years old, so we were both suddenly fatherless. The only males around was an older brother and my peers in the Police Force and the various sporting clubs I belonged to. There is an old saying in the Bible when Jesus taught about “the blind leading the blind fall into the ditch”. Wisdom and good advice was lacking or if it was there, I ignored it. Looking back over the forty years since my father died, there were many times in my life that having his advice, wisdom and counsel would have made so much difference. Part of the problem I recognise now was the need to “know it all”, to be the “man of the house” and hence have all the answers, provide the leadership, know what has to be done. Yet inside, I didn’t know the answers … and my Dad wasn’t there. I maintained the bravado of self sufficiency without any substance to back it up and I made many mistakes, allowed wrong attitudes to prevail, made bad life choices. I am sure I am not alone in this.

Whilst my life didn’t go down the path of crime or violence or drugs. I know that I could have been a better man. There will be many who read this and have their own “absent father” experience. Whether it be because of death (like me) or divorce or a father who was emotionally absent and uninvolved in their lives, the result is the same. I felt like I was on my own.

So that’s why Challenge 7 – Being the Role Model is so important. As fathers or grand fathers or a relative or just a friend. We can all make a difference in some young man’s life by being a role model to them.

That then brings us back to the Values question in Challenge 1. What are your values? What is the foundation of those values? Do they stand the test of time? Are your values you want your son, someone else’s son to follow and imitate?

We will explore this some more in the next post.

The Real Men Challenge writing team  are committed to preventing Family violence. A key to achieving that is to help men find a model for “Positive Masculinity” and a model for “Positive Partnerships”, one built around a solid set of values and of true “sacrificial love”.

This manual is being written to help and guide young boys, teenage boys and young men a better way to live their lives.

The Real Men Challenge Manual will be a collaborative work of many led by White Ribbon Ambassador Neil Stott who will allow feedback and input from diverse groups of individuals to ensure that this manual achieves what it is designed to achieve, change and the hope of a positive masculinity that all Australian men can embrace.

Feel free to review each section under The Manual and the various Challenges, (which may change dynamically during the writing process) and feel free to send me your feedback or just comment below.

Very proud of my local Church, Life Church who is holding a fund raiser directly after the Sunday morning service. Well done to Pastor Matt and the team for “Standing Up, Speaking Out and Acting” to do something about men’s violence against women in our community.

https://www.facebook.com/events/239160840056038/